There are some ways to overcome judgment as a single mom, and these will bring you freedom!
Legalism and judgment go hand in hand. And as single moms, we seem to attract more than our fair share.
Of all the subjects in the world, this is the one I hate the most. Maybe it’s because I’ve had so much experience with it—both in receiving and dishing it out.
Let’s face it, ladies; being a single mom is messy. And legalism and messiness don’t go well together.
No matter how hard we try, we seldom measure up.
Despite having a severe lack of sleep, time, money, and energy, we keep trying to meet the needs of our children and make the right decisions. It’s a tremendous task.
People who are drowning don’t always look “proper.”
Enter legalism at stage right:
Legalism shows up when you least expect it. At church functions, out to lunch with friends, and with family members.
You know what I’m talking about. The disapproving looks, the “let me tell you the truth” group, and family members who want to “help.”
People make statements because the decision seems logical and right to them. It looks like an easy decision. But almost nothing is easy for a single parent.
Flippant statements about what “you should do” are made. These statements cut to the core of a single mom.
They are made without compassion or understanding.
On the other end of someone dishing out legalism is someone willing or seemingly helpless to receive it without questioning it.
Unchecked legalism is dangerous. We receive legalism from people in our inner circle. Many of them have not gone through this—people who lack compassion.
And yet, we seldom stop to question their condemnation and judgment. Hopelessness comes, and our self-esteem continues to crash.
Continued legalism and judgment from others bring discouragement.
And the sad part is that many of us get this every Sunday morning.
In a place where people should love your kids, they are often frowned on because they are wiggly, chatty, or fail to wear underwear. (Don’t laugh. It happened to me.)
They should hug that single mom and tell her, “It’s so good to see you.” The church should grant the single mom and her kids a ton of grace, but often, that is not the case.
We can tell you every mistake we’ve made and how hard we’ve tried. The problem with legalism is that it causes people to stop trying. Single moms are often feeling extremely worthless.
“If I’m trying so hard, and it’s not enough, what else must I give? If the people who know me best say I’m failing, I must be.”
Henry Wright’s book, A More Excellent Way, describes the effects of legalism this way. “They fear being vulnerable because they do not want to get trashed again. Could they dare believe it? Could they dare love? Could they dare be vulnerable without being abused?”
Where do we go from here?
After my last bout with legalism, I all but shut down. Eventually, I started to focus on God’s love. And more specifically, how he gives love. News Flash! God is not legalistic.
The answer to legalism is compassion.
I’ve had a few people in my life who are not legalistic. And the thing that sets them apart from others is compassion.
Dictionary.com states that compassion is an understanding of a deep sympathy and sorrow for another stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Psalms 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God sees us, loves us, and is not legalistic!
Our God is not the friend who judges harshly, the pastor’s wife who corrects the sick baby, or the family member who shakes their head. He is the God of compassion.
When we sit down on the dirty kitchen floor to cry, he is there with us.
This all-powerful God has wrapped his strong arms around you and offers love and compassion to you. He will stay with you and make a way where there seems to be no way.
In places that seem hopeless, God will send his power. Because he is here with us, we have hope.
He waits on high to have compassion for us.
Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18
We are starting over with a greater understanding of God’s compassion.
This was how I started over. It was not easy, but I finally understood that I could try again if God were okay with me. This time, I would find safe and compassionate people.
It’s one safe person at a time. It’s rebuilding with more understanding and more grace to give someone else.
We get to vote, and we get to question people’s strong opinions regarding our messy lives.
Guarding our inner circle only to include kind and compassionate people is also important.
God’s power, compassion, and grace are where we start and stay.
Grace is what we give ourselves and our children.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/faith-for-single-moms/dealing-with-past-mistakes/
