Let’s face it! Parenting is hard, but destructive family cycles can make it worse. And it’s not something usually brought up in conversation. “Oh, and how do we break family cycles?
It’s not something you hear often, but it’s one topic worth exploring!
It’s possible that, given your family history, you may need to spend some time on it.
A close family member chose to actively break the cycle of alcohol and abuse when she started a family. But it wasn’t easy.
The family she grew up in had decades of physical and sexual abuse, mental illness, and chemical abuse issues.
Things like this get swept under the rug because it’s not polite to talk about.
The problem is sweeping it under the rug does little to hide or change the situation.
No matter how hard she tried to hide the dysfunction she had lived through, it was apparent.
If you have had a difficult past, please consider reading this post. Have compassion for the girl you once were.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/faith-for-single-moms/dealing-with-past-mistakes/
She didn’t know essential healthy starting points. Her past had left her with no clue how to live an everyday and functional life. The messiness of a broken family system followed her everywhere.
And how the people talked. Her close friends got it and worked with her. But the religious and the self-righteous? There was no shortage of critics.
I’ve begun to understand that the more someone has practiced putting on a persona of perfection, the more willing they are to judge another harshly.
And many churches seem to encourage this.
Many problems are coming from a broken family system. Judgments from others often top the list.
Parenting adds another element. They (we) are fighting the destruction from the past while holding these brand-new babies.
We want so much to do it differently. But how?
The first step to breaking a family cycle is admitting it.
No, you don’t have to confront dear old granny. You don’t need a large family meeting to undo the evils of the past.
It probably wouldn’t do any good; those people are dealing with the same system.
But quietly acknowledging that things weren’t entirely healthy for yourself is fine. A simple “Yep, that happened” is the first step to stopping a destructive family cycle.
The second step in breaking family cycles is getting some support.
Maybe your family was only a little dysfunctional, and you can acknowledge that poor Aunt Sally had a severe gossiping problem you don’t want to repeat.
Fine. A simple choice to do things differently will probably suffice.
But if you are dealing with abuse in any form, addictions, and serious destructive family patterns, consider finding the service of a licensed Christian counselor.
Processing the emotions, working through trauma, and planning for future generations will start you on a journey to a much healthier you.
Focus on the Family has a Christian Counseling Network that may help.
https://www.christiancounselorsnetwork.com/
If they do not have one in your area, consider asking a local church who they recommend.
Pursue truth when breaking family cycles.
This woman was determined to break her family’s cycle. She pursued Jesus and truth in every way.
She had lived through so much evil that truth was paramount in her thinking. And following Jesus as closely as she could meant she could make it through the dark days.
Read your Bible daily. Consistently. Let God’s Word change you and be ingrained in you.
Seek out Christian authors who will help you healthily learn to parent.
Here is a place to start.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/books-for-single-moms/
In your decision to break family cycles, find a church that loves you and your family.
It’s time to find a place to belong.
As much as we want a church that believes in the right things and follows Jesus wholeheartedly, we also need a place to belong and to fit in.
If you want a place to worship and belong, please consider Celebrate Recovery. This is a Christ-centered recovery Program for families.
There are programs for kids, teens, and adults.
People with difficult family systems may struggle to fit in traditional churches, but this is a great option.
You can find out more about it here.
https://www.celebraterecovery.com/
And finding a program in your city can be done here.
https://locator.crgroups.info/
Breaking destructive family cycles is not easy. Change usually isn’t.
But for future generations, a healthy family system means everything.
The woman in my story didn’t do things perfectly. But she did them. And that made all the difference to the next generation.
