The needs of a single parent vary greatly. Different situations and even different temperaments come into play. But some things stay the same.
I’ve been a single mom for a while now. And I’ve noticed that what was important to me when I first started this journey is still essential to me now.
I’ve grown and changed as everyone does with age. But the needs of my situation have remained the same.
Before, I wasn’t able to put them into words. Now, I see them more clearly.
Whether our needs are met or not determines the quality of our lives.
I’m not downplaying the ability to live through extreme circumstances and triumph, but I am saying that a long-term situation with these unmet needs brings less-than-desired results.
Acknowledging needs puts us in a better place to meet them.
We can all go without for a while, but eventually, our needs must be met for peace and success.
We need some solitude.
No matter how a single parent becomes a single parent, it probably wasn’t Plan A. And that takes time to process.
We need a quiet place to process and work through our loss and changes.
I’m not saying we need an extended vacation from life, but simply time away to work through heartache and disappointment.
Scheduling this is vital to emotional and spiritual health.
Give yourself some space. You will need to cry, process, and plan.
Allowing yourself some solitude places you in a better place for the future.
Time must be taken to grieve and accept our new life.
Please consider reading this post on what to do when becoming a single mom or parent.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/parenting-as-single-mom/advice-for-the-newly-single-mom/
Single parents need margin in their lives.
Learning to be alone and to do life alone takes time. We don’t have an extra set of hands or anyone else to hold the crying child.
It’s a great honor to care for others; it’s also tough sometimes.
And we need to know that and to allow ourselves more margin.
Signing up for every activity will destroy the family unit.
Children need calm time and lots of it.
One of the greatest mistakes I made when I became a single mom was trying to be and look like other families.
It added so much stress and chaos to broken children and a broken mom. I’m unsure if I could have heard anyone say, “Just stop.” But that’s what I needed.
So, I say it to you. Let yourself off the hook for extra activities. You’ll get there eventually, but it does not need to be now.
The activities themselves are not the problem; it’s the timing.
We are overextended and emotionally drained. Allow yourself to say, “Not at this time. Maybe later.” And get good at it! You will need to say it a lot!
Emotionally, financially, spiritually, and time-wise, give yourself many margins!
A safe place is one of the single parent’s greatest needs.
A safe place is also one of the most complex needs to meet.
Housing alone for single moms, especially, can be a desperate situation.
Wealthy Single Mommy has done a great job researching options for single moms:
https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com/free-housing-single-moms/
Safe housing doesn’t just mean four walls and a solid roof. There are other factors to consider.
Single moms often resort to living with a family member because they have limited options.
If this is your situation, realize that having a safe place means more than four walls and a roof. It means living in peace.
No one can offer harsh judgments or tell you how to raise your children. A safe place is somewhere you can live without constantly defending your actions.
It’s privacy when you need it.
Many people love you and want to help, but carefully guard where you are willing to live.
Make sure your children and yourself can live in peace and harmony.
We need a place to belong.
Single parents have difficulty with belonging. It’s easy to understand why.
We work all the time, so getting out is a problem.
The struggles we have set us in another realm.
While many moms or dads disagree with their spouses, we are trying to figure out how to handle a narcissistic ex-spouse.
They discussed going on vacation, and we’re having trouble finding rent money.
We are different, to say the least. That means we need people who are caring and understanding. They love us in our mess.
Legalism and the single parent do not mix. Find people who offer compassion.
Your group of friends may be smaller, but your peace will be greater!
And most of all, we need hope and vision.
Being a single parent is hard. We are given responsibilities and hardships that seem impossible.
And some days, it indeed seems that things will not get better.
But it will.
We are not alone.
We have a God who loves us and will never leave or forsake us. And he has good plans for our lives.
We are not stuck.
Movement may be slow, but we can see progress if we step back just a little.
So, let’s rest a little, laugh a little, and make a plan.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/skills-for-single-moms/setting-goals-as-a-single-mom/
Recognize your needs as a single parent.
And take some time to consider which needs are most important to you and your children.
Maybe you can’t have everything you want, but God will meet your needs.
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:13 KJCV
