Forgiveness as a Christian is tricky. It’s flippantly handed out as an afterthought.
But there’s much more to it than that.
As a single mom, I’ve had my share of opportunities to practice forgiveness. But I admit, it sometimes hasn’t been my first choice.
There are reasons for this. They can range from not understanding the hows and whys to holding back on forgiveness as a defense mechanism.
Let’s explore this together!
First, thinking through forgiveness means admitting the obvious.
There are reasons we shut up tight when it comes to forgiveness.
And I think it’s because forgiveness has been displayed as an action to do without honesty and boundaries.
For those who haven’t crossed serious boundaries or inflicted that much emotional pain, it comes easily to us. After all, we know we’re human and fail, too.
But when it comes to real pain, we shut down, and forgiveness is nowhere to be found.
The ex-husband who cheated on us, the dad who abused us, and the friend who betrayed us, it’s far more difficult to forgive.
Forgiveness isn’t about the misconception that we must deny what has happened to us or allow those people free access to our lives now.
Next, even those willing to forgive may not understand that forgiveness comes in layers.
Just as I thought I had dealt with and forgiven the people who hurt me deeply, another aspect of this would show up.
Or another boundary would be crossed.
It took working through the situation with a counselor to realize that forgiveness is a continuous and honest action.
Further, we must understand that forgiveness is about our freedom, not theirs.
God hasn’t forgotten what they’ve done to you. He has seen it all. And he deeply understands your heartache.
God must ultimately hold people accountable.
As my cute southern grandmother would say, “They’ll get theirs.” It was her spicy way of saying that God would hold them accountable.
He has gone to great lengths to hold me accountable and teach me a new way, and I believe he will do the same with others.
But holding people accountable is God’s job.
It’s not our job to carry someone else’s sins around anymore. We release them and their sin to God.
We release the bitterness, anger, and hatred into the hands of Someone far more capable of dealing with it. This is the meaning of forgiving as a Christian.
That burden is released, and we can move on without carrying a heavy pack.
In addition, consider making room for different perceptions.
There’s a strong possibility that the other person considers themselves innocent of the wrongdoing.
That’s okay. Because now, it’s not your job to convince them that they are wrong. It’s God’s job!
This allows you to admit different ways of looking at the situation.
Equally, you get to keep your boundaries.
You get to admit different perceptions, but you also get to keep your boundaries. People aren’t allowed to keep hurting you.
Boundaries are important, especially with someone who does not respect boundaries or is hurtful and engaging in negative behaviors.
For more about boundaries, you may want to consider a previous blog.
how to create boundaries Single Mom Out West Parenting –
Lastly, true forgiveness brings freedom.
But it’s within honesty and boundaries. These are elements of true forgiveness.
It’s not a denial of truth or allowing hurt to continue.
Please consider Dr. Charles Stanley’s video about Healing Our Hurts for additional information.
