Giving yourself grace and talking kindly about yourself may be the start of finding peace regarding your past.
It’s around this time of year that I get spring fever. I have forgotten last year’s gardening fails and chicken woes, and I am ready to start over!
Winter lasts forever here (I honestly don’t think I’m exaggerating!), and that’s how I make it through and start planning.
I get out the gardening books and think about what kind of chickens I will add to the flock.
This is also how I deal with the past. It’s over. Shut the door tight. The younger me was dumb—very dumb—but I’m wiser now, and it will never happen again!
But as I’ve recently learned, the past often comes back.
How will we deal with people who only remember our mistakes? What will we say, and how will we act?
I recently spoke of my past mistakes, and someone asked me why I was so hard on my younger self.
For the first time, I considered the possibility that I didn’t make mistakes because I was dumb but because I was in a challenging situation and trying to survive.
Considering what my past self had been through, she only tried to keep her head above water.
And that anyone else in my place would have made similar mistakes.
Consider the girl you were.
I know I’m not the only one. As hard as I have tried to close the door on the past, it keeps coming back.
That young girl had suffered some severe pain and heartaches. So when I look back, I need to see that I’m looking at an injured girl.
Then, I can understand why she made the choices she did.
This is worthy of consideration. I can see it in others. And I typically have compassion for them.
If I separate myself a little, I can see my younger self as a person who was indeed broken and in need of compassion.
We were placed in situations we should not have been in.
Many things cause injury—neglect, poverty, abuse, divorce, fear, and anger.
Perhaps you must remember your past long enough to give your younger self mercy and compassion.
Our tendency to oversimplify hasn’t helped. Closing the door tight hasn’t worked.
But if we admit what happened, it gives us a place to start.
Name it first. Neglect, sexual abuse, being a pawn in a divorce, poverty, unfaithfulness in a parent’s marriage, religious abuse, etc.
These are difficult situations for younger people to deal with. They don’t have the tools to navigate these. Then come the behaviors and actions we regret.
We tend to despise our past selves instead of realizing that we didn’t have the tools to deal with these complex situations.
Separate yourself slightly from your past self.
What were you going through? Naming it makes it manageable.
We must stop rejecting and speaking cold, hard judgment over our past selves.
Rejecting our past selves doesn’t work. Accepting that our behaviors stemmed from being young and not knowing how to deal appropriately with serious issues is more effective.
The next time your past comes up. Pause and tell yourself that you did your best as a child or a young person. Don’t be so quick to offer condemnation to your younger self.
Give yourself grace.
You wouldn’t be so hard on someone else. Try giving yourself a little mercy as well.
How do we handle people from our past who do not understand?
I have handled it by cowering and avoiding it, but that is hardly effective. It leaves me feeling worse off than before.
What if we learn to talk a little kinder about ourselves? They may not understand, but we can.
We do not have to wither inside ourselves. Lift up your head and quietly know that you are okay. They do not have to accept you, but you can accept yourself.
I’m convinced that if we give ourselves grace, we can handle people from our past.
We acknowledge it and give ourselves mercy. And then? We move on with our day.
For additional thoughts on this subject, please consider the following post.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/faith-for-single-moms/gaining-self-esteem/
