Gaining a positive self-image is possible, but we must rethink our identity. Seeing ourselves as daughters of “The King,” we can start over!
The starting point requires us to slow down long enough to deal with our uncomfortable feelings.
This deep sense of unworthiness?
I’ve seen it a hundred times. In others and myself. And worst of all, in my children.
We either grow up with a false perception of what others think of us or read their opinion of us loud and clear-we are of little value.
Our experiences tend to further these perceptions, and this identity becomes more ingrained.
While these experiences can be positive and instill a sense of worth, many have experienced the opposite.
We begin to believe this is who we are and take this identity and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy -we become who they expect us to be.
I’m thinking now of someone specific. Someone I haven’t seen in years. But I imagine things haven’t changed.
Her dad didn’t see her as very intelligent. Or at least not as much as her older sister. Beauty wasn’t her’s either. He made it clear that she was below average -in every way. And so she was.
She floundered through school – as was expected.
Never once considering that the identity handed down to her was given to her by a flawed and broken human being who mistreated others—and never cherished the gifts and the people entrusted to him.
This family unit was high functioning. Everyone did what was expected of them. Sure, the dad drank too much and belittled people, but they paid their taxes, and no one went to jail.
There was an underlying acceptance that some family members were less than others. And that they could not expect more for themselves.
And so, she went on. Not realizing her value, she sought love where she could find it, possibly in the back seat of a car on a dark night. And before you knew it, there were little ones on the way.
Sure, there was a wedding—to a man of low quality who took what he wanted and held a job—and never cherished the people entrusted to him. And the cycle continued.
She kept this identity. It didn’t matter that the man cheated on her. As a woman now, she stayed and accepted her lot in life as someone not worthy of more.
You can see it in the very way she walks. Every action and exchange is considered unworthy.
I think she needs a change. We all do!
The last few years have been brutal. And I know I’m not the only one who has accepted an identity of less than. It’s an easy thing to do.
We are single moms. That alone tells a story in some way.
The story can be anything- the lady at his job who didn’t care he had a family, a flask of whisky, another pill, the easy woman on his computer—a parent who didn’t realize the treasure given to them.
Perhaps death has happened. And this aloneness has brought out insecurities you didn’t even know you had.
And here we are, holding a basket that we think proves our unworthiness. Our own identities are destroying us.
My question is, can we change this deep sense of unworthiness? I think we can!
As Christians, God is our Father. And that gives us a new identity.
We are The King’s Daughter. This is something I can get excited about!
This year, we can do things differently. We can acknowledge that the people we were entrusted to may not have gotten it right.
They also are just humans who have suffered through their own hurts and brokenness. We must look at the one who created us and died for us.
This new identity is a fresh start. Before, I was just a frumpy mom with twenty extra pounds. But now? I’m The King’s daughter. Royalty!
As we begin seeing ourselves differently, hope will be restored and a future reborn. This gives us a place to start. As royalty, we may have made some mistakes, but that is no longer what defines us.
This year, let’s see ourselves as the King’s daughter. Our new identity will change the way we walk, dress, and interact with others.
We can be elegant.
I live in the rugged west, and elegant may not be how I have thought of myself before, but I will try this year. I’ll still wear my boots and walk through the mud, but I will know deep inside that I am a person of great value.
We have to start over with a different identity and a positive self-image.
God has put enormous thought into your creation, and you are cherished beyond words.
When we walk into the store, go to church, or drop off our children for visitation, remember that we are the King’s daughters. It’s simple but life-changing.
This truth will affect every part of our lives. And our new identity will affect our children’s identities. With this, we can start new patterns in our families.
For additional information on this subject, please consider the following post.
https://www.singlemomoutwest.com/faith-for-single-moms/gaining-self-esteem/
