Learning how to discipline kids was one of my greatest struggles. Doing it as a broken single mom became even more difficult. But over time, I learned how to decrease the battles and increase my success.
I felt completely out of control the first few years of being a single mom. I did do a few things right, but as I look back, I see my mistakes.
Mistakes that affected the well-being of my kids and made everything worse.
I have one or two strong-willed children. And as broken as I was, I could not see how I was adding to the chaos and dysfunction of our home.
The children were the problem, or so I thought. But as time went on, I came to the problem more clearly.
I was parenting from a broken place and to children who were also broken.
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Disciplining as a single mom is tricky.
Maybe most moms have this down, but that has not happened to me. I have learned the most from my failures, and I hope the following lessons I have learned will help other moms.
I love books that help! These are books that I have read to gain a healthier perspective on how to discipline.
Building blocks for discipline.
A few things must be present consistently for discipline to be most effective. And these can be tricky for single moms.
We are parenting with time constraints, emotional trauma, and exhaustion. So, it is essential to place the principles in our lives intentionally.
Love must be shown in a way that the child truly feels loved.
This may be easier for some than others. If you grew up in a home that showed love and knew how to value the children, that is wonderful!
Connecting lovingly is the first building block. Some moms were not raised in a home that taught them how to communicate with and show love to their children.
I have learned so much from Ross Campbell’s book, How to Really Love Your Child, and I highly recommend it to moms trying hard to connect with their children.
https://amzn.to/428PvPCGrace must be a way of life in our homes.
Grace requires us to slow down and accept others where they are.
It’s slowing down just enough to acknowledge the soul of your little ones and your teenager. When we take a moment to look into their eyes and understand, we connect with grace.
As busy moms, this alone is a challenge. It’s responding to a situation with compassion and creating a trusting relationship.
Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and Max Lucado has changed how I parent and relate to my kids.
https://amzn.to/4b2zIWLWe must carefully examine what is going on.
Looking for the root cause of the issue is vital. These root causes can stem from what is going on around us and inside of us.
Searching for what is happening inside your and your child’s hearts can bring hope and healing.
Consider how these circumstances affect our daily lives:
- Not enough rest for kids
- A “too busy” schedule.
- Lack of nutritious food
- Emotionally distant parenting
- Unhealthy people surrounding the family
- Broken hearts and broken relationships
- Grief
- Emotional trauma
- Chaos in the home
- Unhealthy daycares
- Poor childcare routines or situations
- Difficulty at school
These are some causes of children acting up. Many times, carefully considering changes to our lifestyle can decrease negative behaviors.
The book Helping Children Survive Divorce by Dr. Archibal Hart is an excellent resource for families experiencing divorce.
The book encourages you to look deep inside your child’s heart to see what is going on. It has provided great healing for my family.
https://amzn.to/47DjlwAWe need to consider how we handle behaviors.
You will get no judgment from me. I’ve gone through so much brokenness and blown it so often that I’m slow to judge.
Life is hard, and sometimes we need to accept help. We may need to work through situations with a licensed Christian therapist.
Julie Ann Barnhill addresses these situations in her book. She’s Gonna Blow! Real Help for Mom’s Dealing with Anger.
I am grateful for this raw and honest book about anger. Considering our brokenness and seeing what we bring into the situation can help us avoid repeatedly making the same mistakes.
https://amzn.to/3S3Kjb0After carefully considering these issues, begin to implement boundaries and discipline.
This should be handled with compassion and wholeness. We are healthy moms coming to the table, not crazy women who are out of control. But women who are calm and consistent.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend’s book Raising Great Kids is one that I revisit often. It is a comprehensive guide to providing structure and limits for your child. I highly recommend it.
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Conclusion.
There are many facets to discipline. It’s enough to swat tired and frazzled kids, and there has to be a better and calmer approach.
We don’t want to raise kids in chaos and anger, but that often happens with parenting.
If we take a purposeful strategy and consider our options, then we can create successful situations and home environments that allow our family to thrive and stay intact and healthy.
For additional parenting tips, Focus on the Family has some great ideas!
