Financial tips for single moms include small but steady steps in the right direction. Money is hard for single moms.
Our starting place may look different, but we can still move towards financial security.
Starting Over with Small Children
One of the most challenging things as a single mom is finances. It is one of our biggest hurdles; these financial tips can help!
After I left, I spent two years panicking and praying. And probably in that order.
It was a difficult time. Financially and emotionally, I was a mess. I was grieving the loss of my marriage and was terrified about providing for my family.
I didn’t want to place my kids in daycare. The math didn’t add up.
Paying the bill for four kids in daycare would cost almost as much as I earned. And there would be a lot of sick days.
I also wanted to be their caretaker. As their mom, I wanted to protect their little hearts from more heartache.
(I want to add a special note for women in crisis. Do not let money fears keep you in an abusive situation. There are ways out, and God will provide.
Fear says that we can’t make it, and it keeps us there. So many people want to help, and so many resources are available to us. Don’t let this fear keep you in an unsafe situation.)
Here is an excellent resource for you.
National Domestic Violence Hotline | The Administration for Children and Families (hhs.gov)
Lessons I’ve Learned
These are the lessons I’ve learned. I am not a financial counselor, and I am not a career counselor.
I’m a single mom who has lived this. I hope everyone else has it more together than me, but statistics say otherwise.
Check out these statistics:
Single Mother Statistics (UPDATED 2022) (singlemotherguide.com)
Single moms often deal with complex and overwhelming situations. These include:
- not receiving child support or not having enough child support
- late or inconsistent child support
- a loss of a home
- re-entry to the workforce
- poor education
- emotional trauma for themselves and their kids
- little to no help from the father
- little to no support from their family and friends
- an unhealthy family system
I’ve lived through most of this list, and never have my kids gone hungry.
All of my bills have been paid.
My kids do not have fancy clothes or expensive vacations but have what they need.
These are the things I’ve learned. And I wish I had known in the beginning.
This situation is unpleasant, but running from it won’t make it disappear. Pray for courage and take a deep breath.
Lesson One: Write it all down. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
This is a terrifying step but necessary evil. We must first look at where we are and acknowledge the bills and costs.
I separate my monthly bills into weeks. Write them down with the dates in order. Add them to get a monthly total. Then, please write down your debt and add it up.
We are doing this without emotion, and we are not solving anything. I use a small finance book, but a cheap spiral notebook is fine.
Lesson Two: Live one week at a time if you need to.
God has always provided for me, but it looks different from the “American Financial Plan.” You know this plan. You need to have so much in checking, more in savings, and a certain amount in retirement,
I love that plan. It’s a great goal. But I don’t think it’s where most of us are at. It’s where we will be someday.
Learning to live one week at a time will allow us to keep breathing and moving forward. Do not let the voice in your head tell you; you should have it more together.
As you work through the monthly bills, create the list according to four weeks. You are separating each week with a line.
For example:
Week one:
Phone bill-$75
Electric Bill-$125
Gas for car$75
Etc.
Learning to budget weekly is a lifesaver. Many of us do not have the money on hand to do a monthly budget, but we can start very small and do a weekly one.
Glancing at a list and knowing which bills must be paid this week is a good chunk of the battle. It will help you feel calmer and more capable.
And as you can check off which bills you can pay weekly, your peace and confidence will grow.
Lesson Three: Do not compare yourselves to others.
For we dare not make ourselves of the number or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12
Let’s realize life and money are complicated right now. Do not get trapped in the lie that we must live like others to have a worthy life. This is not a cause for hopelessness.
We acknowledge that the Smiths got to go to Hawaii for their vacation. Still, we don’t allow that to send us into a meltdown because we vacationed locally. In a tent. On the hard, rocky ground. During a rainstorm.
We must kill this lie, or it will rob us of joy and emotional wholeness for our kids.
Lesson Four: Live with integrity and work hard.
But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. Galatians 6:4
Spend time in prayer. God will lead you into ways of making money. Be quiet before him. He will guide you in ways that do not compromise your integrity or your kids’ emotional and mental health.
So many single moms act out of desperation. They throw themselves into poor working conditions and place their kids in chaotic, stressful, and dangerous situations.
We must rethink this. Pray. Work hard. Write down your goals. Begin again to build your financial stability, but do this slowly. Please realize that we are creating wealth. We are not giving ourselves and our kids away unquestioningly.
We need to learn new ways of thinking about money instead of giving up in desperation. How can you better yourself? And place yourself and these kids in a better situation?
Lesson Five: Stand Your Ground
Write down what you and your children need to be physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Read books. Research what experts say is necessary for kids to be healthy.
Reach out to safe, licensed Christian counselors. Listen to the wise. The bullies can talk, but they can’t take over. Do not let them send you into despair because you are trying to do it differently.
Don’t simply react. Think.
Lesson Six: Accept Help When You Need It.
You may need to accept help from safe people. Our pride and fear of what people think about us may keep us from receiving support from good people.
This is hard for me. I don’t want to bother anyone, and I feel terrible that my brother has to fix the air conditioner in my car. But I do think there is a time for this.
My counselor has told me more than once, “Accept the help. You are working as hard as possible and taking care of your kids. It’s okay to accept help.”
We would not hesitate to help someone. If someone else has the means and the grace to give in times of need and crisis, there is a time to accept help and thank you.
Lesson Seven: Be patient. Wait it out.
There have been times when I couldn’t see a way out financially. I didn’t destroy my kids with poverty and didn’t want to create a chaotic home life. It’s been messy, but at every turn, I can honestly say God provided.
I haven’t always been thrilled with his plan. But he knew better than I did what they needed. God cared for their little hearts; if he had to limit me and my grand plans to do that, I’m so glad he did.
Be brave! God will help you with every step!
My friend, you can make it. Take a deep breath and get your coffee and your notebook. God will amaze you with his provision. And then, a one-week budget will become a two-week budget and, after that, a monthly budget! God will provide!
